A lull in the Hot Stove season has allowed some of us in the editorial department (particularly those who work the later shifts, like me) to enjoy the <obligatory company man shtick> immensely popular MLB Network </obligatory company man shtick> as more than just a backdrop while we slave away. If reliving the 2002 postseason doesn’t keep you warm on a chilly night in New York City, I don’t know will. But, I digress.
Between producing a couple of stories from SoxFest 2009 on Friday night, I happened to notice Ken Burns, who was featured often in a couple different segments, sporting an otherworldly coif. The question was raised by yours truly: Is this simply a terrible haircut and even worse dye job, or does Burns sport a rug? The three of us in the office (DR, Jiggy and me) couldn’t come to a consensus. With all the mudslinging going on in the game these days, shouldn’t we be more concerned about the authenticity of its foremost historian’s locks? Performance-enhancing drugs and the memoirs of jilted lovers pale in comparison to what’s at stake here.
Of course, it’s easier for me to say, considering my mane is as thick and vital as Sampson’s. To paraphrase Of Montreal’s Kevin Barnes, we all must suffer for fashion sometimes. For instance, I donned a ridiculous piece as part of my Anton Chigurh costume this past Halloween. Disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is perhaps better known these days for his bizarre ‘do than his transgressions in office. Marv Albert’s biting episode is a mere afterthought in light of his unfortunate toupee. And the only thing rivaling the sheer comedy of Bill Belichick’s patented hoody-and-sweats look are his weekly red-tinted dye jobs.
If Rafael Palmeiro, Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire can be roasted by grandstanding politicians, then so too can Burns. Forget the sancity of our treasured record books, let’s get to the root of this man’s follicles. After all, history is at the mercy of the person writing it. If Burns’ hair is in question, am I really to believe his take on our pastime?