After viewing an excerpt of ESPN’s exclusive A-Rod confessional with Peter Gammons on my iPhone in class today, I rushed home to sign on for work and watch the talk in its entirety.
As I sat on my sofa chair, I wondered how Pulp Fiction’s Pumpkin (aka actor Tim Roth) — now the star of FOX’s Lie to me* — might inspect A-Rod’s tell-all. What of his averted eyes and seemingly blank stare? How about the way he thumbed at his nose, clearing away boogers that really weren’t there? And what about the indignation with which he accused Selena Roberts of stalking him?
I don’t commend A-Rod for coming clean (pun recognized, not intended). Let’s not forget, he bold-faced lied to Katie Couric and baseball fans everywhere just a couple years ago when asked about his use of performance-enhancing drugs. Now, presented with indisputable evidence, he comes forth with a definite admission peppered with circumstantial ambiguities, chalking his use to naivity and stupidity, and cushioning it with the proclaimation that he was ignorant as to exactly what substance was putting in his body, as well as the outrageous claim that he was not aware of the prevelance of PEDs in baseball during his days in Seattle.
OK, so A-Rod at least had the decency to admit he used the good (or is it bad?) stuff, unlike, say, Gary Sheffield and Roger Clemens, both of whom have vehmently denied it despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Time will tell whether his other assertions were true, but if history’s any indication, we should brace ourselves for another bombshell before this guy’s career is out.
Other curiosities and observations from the interview:
– Call me juvenile and perverse, but I thought it strange when A-Rod said of his ribbing with teammates: “I like taking it,” and “I’m a good receiver.”
– Was it just my TV, or was there something funky going on with the footage? The brights were really bright.
– A-Rod drank a lot of water — the expensive stuff, of course — Fiji.
– Nothing personal against ESPN or Peter Gammons, but this interview would have been a nice score for the MLB Network and Bob Costas.
– In Gammons’ first question, he prompts A-Rod for the “truth” regarding SI.com’s report. A-Rod then responds with his long-winded explanation, which ran for about one minute, 30 seconds.
– As the interview wears on, A-Rod curiously grows more
comfortable in commending himself for coming forward with his story —
as if he were doing it by his own volition and hadn’t been humiliated
by a gang of investigative journalists (one of whom he accused of
– Often chided for his stilted demeanor, A-Rod didn’t do much to shake his automaton image by saying “100 percent” six times.
– GNC can officially invest its advertising dollars elsewhere for 2009. A-Rod references the health store three times.
A lull in the Hot Stove season has allowed some of us in the editorial department (particularly those who work the later shifts, like me) to enjoy the <obligatory company man shtick> immensely popular MLB Network </obligatory company man shtick> as more than just a backdrop while we slave away. If reliving the 2002 postseason doesn’t keep you warm on a chilly night in New York City, I don’t know will. But, I digress.
Between producing a couple of stories from SoxFest 2009 on Friday night, I happened to notice Ken Burns, who was featured often in a couple different segments, sporting an otherworldly coif. The question was raised by yours truly: Is this simply a terrible haircut and even worse dye job, or does Burns sport a rug? The three of us in the office (DR, Jiggy and me) couldn’t come to a consensus. With all the mudslinging going on in the game these days, shouldn’t we be more concerned about the authenticity of its foremost historian’s locks? Performance-enhancing drugs and the memoirs of jilted lovers pale in comparison to what’s at stake here.
Of course, it’s easier for me to say, considering my mane is as thick and vital as Sampson’s. To paraphrase Of Montreal’s Kevin Barnes, we all must suffer for fashion sometimes. For instance, I donned a ridiculous piece as part of my Anton Chigurh costume this past Halloween. Disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is perhaps better known these days for his bizarre ‘do than his transgressions in office. Marv Albert’s biting episode is a mere afterthought in light of his unfortunate toupee. And the only thing rivaling the sheer comedy of Bill Belichick’s patented hoody-and-sweats look are his weekly red-tinted dye jobs.
If Rafael Palmeiro, Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire can be roasted by grandstanding politicians, then so too can Burns. Forget the sancity of our treasured record books, let’s get to the root of this man’s follicles. After all, history is at the mercy of the person writing it. If Burns’ hair is in question, am I really to believe his take on our pastime?